Headful of Ghosts
by apocalypse-risen
Summary: Post-A Breed Apart. A young girl with a connection to Adam's past sweeps into the lives of the Mutant X team. Adam/OC (non-romantic). Jesse/OC (romantic).
1. Maelstrom

Maelstrom:[n] A violent or turbulent situation.  
  
Adesina was not in a good mood. Pissed didn't even begin to cover it, and she knew she was in trouble. In pain, alone, but not for long, she'd run out of options. Couldn't fight, couldn't run, couldn't join them. Well, she had one option left, one she really, really didn't want to use. Not that she had a better choice. Make the call or die. She sighed, holding her injured right arm against her body feebly, and found the cell phone in her pant's pocket. The number was easy to call up from the recesses of her memory and she punched it in, glad she'd thought to turn off the sound on the phone a few hours back. A masculine sounding voice answered on the other end.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mutant X?" She didn't wait for him to reply, she knew that's who it was. "Get a message to Adam. From Maelstrom. Code: 15-83-24-09. Pick-up: Seattle, WA, 174-332. Hurry." She snapped the phone shut.  
  
They recorded all incoming messages, so it didn't matter if the guy who answered couldn't remember what she had said, he'd get Adam, Adam would come get her, or send someone to. All she had to do was get to the safe house and wait. If she could get to the safe house.  
  
"Adam?" Brennan Mulwray walked through the labs of Sanctuary looking for the older man. So far, he hadn't been anywhere to be found. He walked further into the maze of labs. He really didn't like it in here. Then again, he had never liked doctor's offices either. "Adam?"  
  
Suddenly Adam appeared in another doorway. "Yes?"  
  
"We just got a call for a pick-up at the Safe House in Seattle, or at least I think it was a pick-up. The girl on the line told me to give you a message. Uh, Maelstrom, some code, 15-83-24-something. It's record-" Brennan stopped, noticing how pale Adam had gone, pale like he'd seen a ghost- or got a message from one. The only times Brennan had seen Adam so rattled was when Danielle stole that prototype and when The Strand had first appeared. It was beginning to seem like things couldn't get any worse, when, of course, they did.  
  
Then Adam seemed to snap out of it. "You're sure she said Maelstrom?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure. Who is she? It sounded like she was in trouble."  
  
"I'll explain later. Right now I need you and one of the others to go pick her up. Take Jesse."  
  
Adam nodded to himself. She knew of Jesse at least, had seen pictures, better than sending the two team members she didn't know existed. Brennan left the lab area, calling Jesse on his com-link as he went, telling the younger man to meet him at the Double Helix.  
  
Adesina felt like she was freezing from the inside out. Blood loss, a vague logical section of her mind commented. Shock, another part piped up. The gash in her right arm, she thought she had gotten it jumping one of the fences, was still bleeding and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but the backdoor to the store that contained the Safe House was in sight while no one from the GSA seemed to be around, so all in all, things were okay. Nine meters to the door, inside, and she'd be safe. Safe and headed back to Sanctuary. Fuck.  
  
With one last glance around she crept out from behind the empty boxes she'd been using for cover and started a mad dash towards the door. Gods, she hated running. She hated the idea of it, the action of it, the reasons behind it. She didn't slow down until she was at the door and pulling at the handle with her left hand. She stared at it, numbly surprised, it was locked. Then the lock, and doorknob with it, exploded inwards, and she shoved the door open, running into someone as she entered. He kept his balance, and grabbed her shoulders to steady her, causing her to hiss in pain and as soon as she had her footing back send a small, boot-clad foot into the back of his knee. The angle was bad and she was weakened, so she knew she hadn't dislocated the kneecap but it did cause him to wince and release her, but apparently he was resisting the urge to bend over and check where the blow had connected. She was about to run again, looking for the best away around the taller, and probably stronger, person, when she caught a glance of his face.  
  
"Jesse Kilmartin?" The question was out of her mouth before she had a chance to register her shock and she blinked up at him.  
  
"Maelstrom?" He asked back.  
  
She frowned. Oops. Kicking the guy here to save your ass was always bad etiquette. "Sorry. I didn't realize…" She trailed off when he smiled. He had a nice smile, friendly and open, like he could be trusted. His blue- blue eyes strengthened the claim. Everything about this guy, except the black leather body suit, screamed 'trust me', like a little kid.  
  
"It's fine. You were just scared…not that I blame you. Glad you made it though, we were worried."  
  
Now that she heard more of his voice she knew he wasn't the one who had answered her call.  
  
"We?"  
  
"Yeah. My teammate Brennan and I. Come on. Let's get you to Sanctuary." He glanced down, checking for obvious wounds, and finding one on her arm. "And bandage up that arm."  
  
She smirked. "And the ribs. You just can't see them."  
  
"And the ribs." He led the way outside and to the waiting Double Helix. 


	2. Past, Present, and Pain

Chapter One: Adesina  
  
With the deep cut in my arm and the smaller ones decorating my ribs disinfected and bandaged up I finally felt myself relax and the adrenaline that was maintaining me most of the way to the Safe House wore off in a one last rush, leaving me tired and dizzy and nauseous with pain. I was sitting in a chair in the back of Double Helix, which any other day would have been plenty comfortable, shifting as a new flash of pain hit every few minutes. Brennan, whom I found, had dark, masculine looks to match the voice, was sitting at the helm reading a book, though I was too tired to find out what, while Jesse sat across from me fiddling on a computer. Really, he was playing more attention to me than whatever was on the screen and I glared up at him in scolding.  
  
"What?" The inquiry came out angry and sharp, which, if I felt better, I could have apologized for, but right now I just really didn't care.  
  
He blinked. "I was just wondering if you needed anything. I mean…you look really pale."  
  
I shook her head. "I always look really pale, being as I'm pale and all."  
  
"Well, there's a difference between pretty pale and major blood loss pale." His tone was quiet, but sure. Certainty. How long had it been since I'd heard someone sound certain and actual believed it? A while.  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
"Uh-huh. Maybe you should lay down though. I mean, it couldn't hurt, right?"  
  
I stared blankly at him.  
  
"Or not." He amended.  
  
"Between the pain, the nausea, and the dread, if I went to sleep now I don't think I'd want to wake up." I didn't add that it was possible I had a concussion, and the blood loss was making me dizzy, because I had already figured out that Jesse Kilmartin was definitely a worrier.  
  
"Dread?" Brennan interjected from behind his book.  
  
"Sanctuary is the next to last place on Earth that I want to be heading to."  
  
Brennan brought down his hands, turning the chair to face Jesse and me. "You called us, remember?"  
  
I shrugged, then hissed as pain shot through my shoulder. "Between Genome X and Mutant X, I chose you." I paused, frowning. "Barely." I muttered.  
  
The kind of barely that made me wait until I was bleeding out and in massive pain before making the call, but I didn't add that.  
  
"So, how do you know Adam?" Brennan asked, unfazed.  
  
"He knew my mother." The answer was stated before I had a chance to realize I had decided on using the partial truth.  
  
"And what, she didn't like Mutant X?"  
  
I laughed, smirking, "This was before Mutant X was even a flicker of an idea in Adam's messed-up brain." I shrugged using my left shoulder. "Plus, my disdain for Adam isn't second generation." That was true, I hated him solely on my own behalf.  
  
Brennan got a look of clarity on his face and frowned at me. "You're one of those New Mutants who hate Adam for making you different while saving your life."  
  
I blinked, standing suddenly, and stalking over to where he sat in his chair, with an expression of what I figure must look like the definite promise of violence. I stopped when my legs were half an inch from his knees, and leaned over him, placing my hands gingerly on the back of his chair.  
  
"You have no idea the kind of New Mutant I am." I stated, my voice dead. The Double Helix shuddered roughly, and I had to shift, my left hand clinched on the top of my chair, to keep my balance. I straightened back up. "We'd better quit this discourse before I knock us out of the sky." I vaguely wondered if I had enough energy left to do that, not that I planned to, then again my abilities never liked to follow plans. I decided I probably did, barely, and it was better not to tempt it. I walked slowly back to the chair I had been occupying, trying to ignore the increasingly active dizziness. Blinking did nothing to straighten my vision, but I managed to make it to the chair and sit down without stumbling.  
  
"You're a telekinetic?" Brennan asked.  
  
Well, wasn't he just the curious one.  
  
"Not exactly. Psychokinetic. Minor differences."  
  
Jesse nodded. "So, what's your name?"  
  
I sighed, trying to remember what I was going by in Seattle. I couldn't. I frowned, I must have hit my head harder than I thought. Shaking my head to clear it, my vision fractured accented by bolts of pain shooting through my skull and the nausea came back in a wave. Okay, that was a bad idea, and they were still waiting for an answer.  
  
"My name is Adesina." It was funny how much I hated merely admitting my first name- my real one, at least. It was if the act itself opened myself up to become vulnerable. Though them knowing my name didn't give them power over me, not really. They continued looking at me as if they expected me to continue, but I wasn't going to give a last name, not unless I had to.  
  
"So, Adam seemed sort of surprised you called?" Yet another question from tall, dark, and curious.  
  
I smirked, stifling a laugh because I knew laughing would only agitate my wounds. "Well, that's what happens when you get a call for help from someone who once said pigs would fly out of Eckhart's ass before they asked for anything from you." I paused, smiling. "I don't suppose you've seen any pigs lately?"  
  
"You said that to **Adam**?" Blondie sounded astonished, which made me stifle another laugh.  
  
"Actually, I'm pretty sure it's one of the nicer things I said to Adam that day."  
  
The looks of shock on their faces would have been priceless if my head didn't feel as if someone had hit it with a brick half a dozen times.  
  
"Then why would he-" Brennan started to say, stopping in the middle of his sentence.  
  
"Guilt is the mother of good tides." I commented, in answer to the unfinished question.  
  
With the guilt I had on Adam, add interest, I could probably get a car out of him were I so inclined. Problem was the only thing I wanted from Adam, aside from the current fixing of my fucking arm, was something he couldn't give me.  
  
"Adam doesn't need someone making him feel guiltier." Cute, Brennan was also protective.  
  
I glanced over at him. "I don't think it's possible for Adam to feel guiltier. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy watching him wallow in it occasionally." Okay, I admit it, I was sounding vindictive and bitchy and mean, but I was in pain and I had good reason. "Listen, let's just say I have a damn good reason for wanting Adam to hurt and leave it at that for now. I'm sure it'll all come out eventually anyway." Like I first time I see Adam face-to-face in years. That sort of eventually, which was suddenly very soon-to-be.  
  
Something beeped, attracting Jesse's attention. "We're about to arrive. I…you, you need to put these on." He pulled something away from the counter and started approaching me.  
  
I blinked then burst out laughing, pain searing down my side but I ignored it. "I know where Sanctuary is, Blondie."  
  
Then he blinked, before a look of confusion crossed over his face. "But--?"  
  
"I said my mom knew him years before Sanctuary existed. Me? Last time I saw him was there, but this was before Shalimar or you joined the team, though not long before Shal I think."  
  
"Why didn't you join the team?" Brennan asked. I threw him a sideways look.  
  
"How old do you think I am?" I replied.  
  
"What?" Jesse inquired.  
  
"Twenty-three? Twenty-four?"  
  
"Okay, your sense of age…sucks. I'm seventeen. Now. I was twelve then. Plus, I was seriously considering slitting Adam's throat at the time."  
  
"At twelve?"  
  
"At twelve. And ten. And seven. And fourteen. I've mellowed since then." I paused. "Mostly."  
  
I had mellowed a lot, but some things take more than time, even years of time. A glance at Brennan gave me the impression that he knew how that felt, and Jesse was still suffering from self-inflicted wounds. Then again, I suppose you wouldn't be trying to save an entire race of people if you didn't know pain.  
  
I sighed. "It's important you guys know that I'm not any sort of threat to Adam. He does too much good for people like us for me to want him dead. I'm angry, not vindictive."  
  
"Good." Jesse said, quietly. "'Cause, we couldn't let you hurt him. I mean, I don't know about the others, but he's kind of like a father—" He stopped abruptly, frowning, and shaking his head. "Anyway, yeah, he's important."  
  
There was a soft thud as the Double Helix landed on the concrete floor of the Hanger Bay. I stood, my vision more scattered than ever, and half-limped towards the exit hatch, almost stumbling over the step when I felt a warm, strong hand pull against my waist to keep me from falling forward. I looked over to see Jesse's face creased with concern.  
  
"Thanks. I'm kind of dizzy." I smiled.  
  
He frowned. "You should have said that. We can't help if you don't tell us what's wrong."  
  
You can't help anyway, Blondie. "The injuries are the least of my problems." Also, the most pressing, but I didn't say that either. I was pretty much sure there was no internal bleeding or a concussion, which, to me at least, meant everything was basically fine. Not fun, but I'd live and hey, no surgery, yay.  
  
I giggled, feeling light-headed, and glanced at Jesse again. He was the last thing I saw before my vision exploded before me into a deep, quiet black. 


	3. Crawling Out of the Dark

Belated Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Author's Note: Alright, I find myself having some difficulty writing Jesse, especially Jesse's thoughts, 'in character', and I've come to the realization that that is because Jesse's character isn't terribly well- defined, not to the extent of Brennan's certainly. So, please, bare with, as I'll probably be experimenting with a style for Jesse, and feel free to tell me if you think that it's off or 'out of character'.  
  
Chapter Two: Crawling Out of the Dark  
  
"There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface. Consuming, confusing.  
  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending, Controlling, controlling."  
  
-'Crawling' Linkin Park  
  
The next thing I felt was the blackness, the dark edge of night or unconsciousness- I wasn't sure which- pressing against my senses. Then voices, not mine but familiar some how. I didn't try to open my eyes, instead reaching tentatively out into the night, into the darkness, trying to keep my breathing as evenly deep as possible. Suddenly my mind connected with another, confirming that I wasn't alone in the room. A second consciousness entered my range of 'sight'. The voices. I focused on making the voices clear, separating the sounds. It was harder than usual but I managed, relaxing my body and mind, allowing them to flow into me, as if they were speaking to me and not each other.  
  
"Hey, Emma thought you should eat, and she's not going to be happy if you don't." Male, slightly high, concerned. Jesse?  
  
"I'll eat…later. I'm not hungry." Adam. That voice was Adam's.  
  
"I don't know why she's upset at you, or why you feel that's justified, but sitting here watching her isn't going to help anything. With the sedative Emma gave her she'll probably be out for another hour or two, and when she does wake up…" The voice, definitely Jesse's trailed off quietly, leaving the room still with the quiet rush of the ventilation system and the faded robotic beat of a heart monitor. It was odd to hear the rhythm of my own heart outside of the pounding in my head. "Like I said," Jesse continued, closer to me, did that make him farther from Adam?, "she was upset, really upset, about something to do with you." Another pause, shorter this time, and the voice was suddenly hovering above me. "If you want someone to watch her, I will."  
  
"I should be here." Adam stated.  
  
I could feel Jesse's breath, strikingly warm against my too cold skin, as he sighed deeply. "I don't think you should, Adam. She's going to be in pain and disoriented, and you always say stress is the worse thing when someone is trying to recover. I'll just sit with her until she wakes up, check her out to make sure she's alright, then I'll call you, you have the com link. Until then, food wouldn't be out the question, and maybe a nap."  
  
Adam sighed in the background. "I see you haven't forgotten your nursing skills."  
  
Jesse laughed. "Yeah, well, with Shal around it's pretty much a survival trait."  
  
"Yes, well, just wait until Mael wakes up. If I didn't know better I'd swear she was feral herself."  
  
But you do know better, I thought to myself, that's the whole problem in the first place. The bitterness that usually accompanied my thoughts about Adam wasn't there. I must be more tired than I felt. Psionically I knew that cold rage, however justified, was one of the hardest emotions to maintain. Hard enough that some days I wished I could just make it stop, that I could be the bigger person and put ill-begotten woes behind me, move on with my life. But then, I'd look in the mirror and realize that I had no conceivable life to move on with, that I hadn't even since I taken my first breath, and that it was all Adam Zero's fault. He'd stolen my life, my childhood, my future, with genius and good intentions, and I had ever intention of seeing him in Hell. Maybe I just knew how to hold a grudge.  
  
I was jolted out of my thoughts by a warm, gentle touch against wrist. I knew, without having to think about it, that it was Jesse. Not just because he had offered to watch over me, which was sweet in a protective-male-BS sort of way, but because I had already 'synched' with his bio-signs. One of the more interesting effects of my mutancy, also one of the less controllable ones. Clairvoyance, second sight, incorporated a lot of abilities without giving the user any real control of them. Just an on and off switch that oft malfunctioned. The random visions of very bad memories, from other people no less, was just one of the perks. And Brennan wondered why anyone might be just the tad bit bitter about having mutant powers. Some days I was just amazed I wasn't homicidal about it, occasional idle death-to-Adam thoughts withstanding.  
  
As long as he remained touching me, and he seemed in no hurry to let go, I could tap into him mentally, read his thoughts, feel his feelings, see what he thought of me or of Adam, even find out his best dream and worst fear. It took more self-control than I would even admit out loud to keep from doing just that. Good girl of the year I might not be, but voyeurism was still lower than my standards would go. Well, most days.  
  
I blinked rapidly, drawing a sharp intake of breath, trying to shake off the trance-like state I had been resting in. "Interesting little fact. Sedatives? Not all that effective on me." Jesse jumped back as if I had slapped him, making me wonder exactly what he had been thinking after all. Then, once the vegetative state the sedative had rendered me in wore off, the pain returned, not as bad as before, but I suddenly really didn't care whatever it was Jesse had been thinking. Of course, the same thing that made sedatives nearly useless to me also affected sleeping pills, most types of anesthesia, and every painkiller known to man.  
  
"Are you in pain?"  
  
I blinked, knowing my face was the perfect mirror of sarcasm. "No, after all, I find getting cut up all kinds of fun."  
  
He ignored that. "Do you want something for it?"  
  
"Yes. Do you have anything that'll work? No. Pain killers work about as well as sedatives. Bio-chemistry and all that jazz." Strictly speaking he did have something that would help, but it wasn't the kind of something that came in neatly-labeled little vials for consumption.  
  
"Well, is there anything I can do to help?"  
  
If that wasn't a loaded question. I considered my answer, finally settling on a compromise. "Two things actually. One, don't tell Adam I'm awake yet. Two, can you find me some clothes? Mine kind of got cut up and these, whatever they are, aren't all that comfortable." I had just noticed I was in different clothing than I remembered starting out in, which in another situation might have been embarrassing, not that I was easily embarrassed. Of course, I had decided to not think about who had changed my clothes while I was out, so that probably had something to do with it.  
  
Jesse nodded. "I can put off telling Adam for a couple of hours. With the clothes, you're not really Shal's or Emma's size."  
  
"I just want something soft and too big for me, doesn't really matter who the clothes belong to." I replied.  
  
He smiled. "Alright, I'll go get something. Be back in a minute." He turned towards the cabinet then suddenly phased out and disappeared through the wall.  
  
I grinned, cool trick. Looking down, I inspected my wounds. The arm was flawless, healed, though I could feel the pain where the wound had been, and my ribs were much the same. My skin was still pale, after all they hadn't performed cosmetic surgery or anything, but no longer the sickly shade of cold, dead flesh. All and all I felt better.  
  
Jesse reappeared then, phasing back through the wall, now carrying something. Clothes. He hands them over to me, half-placing them in my lap, and I take them. Soft clothing. Soft clothing and some hot tea to drink sounds like heaven right about now.  
  
"Thanks." I pulled the top item off of the pile, shaking it out. It's a long-sleeve shirt, black and made of cotton, cut for someone with broad shoulders. I slip it over my head, pushing my hair- more dark red than blonde- out from under the collar of the shirt that trapped it, and the material billows around me, making it easy to remove the black strip of elastic material without flashing Jesse. The hem is ratted, like someone had torn out the seam in boredom, and the material is well-worn, making the cotton soft to the touch, obviously someone's favorite shirt. I shook out the second piece of clothing, girl's sweats, and turned to Jesse is amusement.  
  
"Shal's." He replied. "They might be a little long, but Emma's taller."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "You got Shal to lend me some sweats?"  
  
He glanced at the floor sheepishly. "Well, actually, she was talking with Adam, so, I kind of didn't ask." He smiled. "I'm sure she won't mind when she finds out though."  
  
I thought he was wrong about that but I shrugged. "It's all Greek to me."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
I laughed. "The Greeks won the Trojan war by appearing to surrender, but setting up a trap in their peace offering, a wooden horse. So, I'm just saying, like the Greeks, it's better not to look a gift horse in the mouth." I shook my head. "It's a thing." I swung my legs over the side of the medical bed I was sitting on, happy to feel no pain in the ankle that had been bothering me before I had collapsed. Still, when I stood, I gingerly tested the pressure before fully sliding off the bed. Nothing. The T-shirt Jesse had brought me fell to my knees, covering the shorts I had on. I pulled the sweats on over them before leaning over to roll up the legs so I wouldn't step on them. Then, dressed, I stood there, unsure of what to do.  
  
"How long will it take to get me a new identity?" I asked Jesse.  
  
"A good one? A couple of days."  
  
"So, no quietly slipping out the back then?" I sighed. "Damn."  
  
"It's not that bad here, Adam already has a guest room set up for you and everything." He tried to look reassuring, but the only thing that was going to reassure me was Adam magically disappearing for the duration of my stay.  
  
"Jesse, dear, it's not the where, it's the who." I tried to look calm and hopeful but I know I failed miserably. "I suppose it could be worse."  
  
Of course, if he had asked me how right then, I wouldn't have had an answer. I shook my head, pushing the sick feeling curling in my stomach down as far as I could, and smiled more convincingly this time. "I don't suppose you have some tea."  
  
He laughed, the first genuine laugh I had heard from him, and replied, grinning, "Yeah, we have tea. Emma's practically single-handedly supporting the tea business at large."  
  
"I heard that." A willowy red-head said from the doorway. In her hands was a mug of steaming liquid. She smiled broadly at me. "I noticed you were awake and thought you could use some of this."  
  
She handed me the cup and I sniffed at the drink it held. Spearmint. I smiled happily, taking a sip. "Mmm, you read my mind." I paused, looking over at her. "You don't actually read minds. do you?"  
  
Emma shook her head, never breaking the soft smile. "Nope, just emotions."  
  
I drank more of the tea, watching Emma, and to a lesser extent Jesse, for a moment before replying. Neither of them flinched. I grinned. "Hmm, 'kay." At least Adam knew how to pick 'em. 


	4. Place For My Head

Chapter Three: Place For My Head  
  
I was asking them about Sanctuary, details I hadn't been able to get while outside of it, when Adam walked back in, followed by a younger blond woman, Shalimar. Well, Shalimar, except older and in more leather. He, on the other hand, looked like I remember him looking, not older, which was disconcerting.  
  
"I know I shouldn't be in here, but I just wanted to check on-" He stopped a couple meters for me. "You're up."  
  
I didn't say anything but stood as well.  
  
"Are you feeling better?" He asked, moving slowly towards me.  
  
"Well, no more pain from the injuries I got running from the GSA. If that's better." I replied evenly.  
  
Adam nodded, half-acknowledging the dig, but pressing on anyway. He was only a couple feet away now. "What about your abilities?"  
  
"Don't worry, I've gotten control, no objects will be flying at your head this time." Well, not accidentally at least.  
  
He shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I mean, how are they, I know you've had problems with them, I was just worried…"  
  
I smiled, humanly animalistic, sarcastic and angry. "Well, isn't that sweet, you're sooo worried." I laughed. "But I don't know, don't you think it's a little fucking late?"  
  
Adam looked as if I had slapped him, I thought to myself. Out of the corner of my eye Emma just looked shocked. It was similar to how Jesse had reacted in the Double Helix.  
  
"I've always been worried about you. Always. How you're doing. What's happening to you. I'm sorry, you can't know how sorry I am, I-"  
  
"Actually I can, know that is, that's part of problem. The thing is, with the knowing, there's the not caring. I know exactly how sorry you are, and I. Just. Don't. Care."  
  
I was going to cry, damn it. I was so going to cry. I didn't want to. I was either going to cry or going to scream and neither would make me feel better.  
  
"Listen…Can we just, just not do, do this, whatever this is. " I was dangerously close to breaking down in tears and found myself backing away, trying to physically distance myself from the situation. I backed straight into Jesse's chest. His arms came up to encircle me immediately, but instead of feeling trapped I felt comforted. The last time anyone had held me like this, this comfort…it'd been so long. Felt like forever. I could feel the gentle hum of energy boiling just beneath his skin, skipping between our synapses, telling me he wasn't quite human. My brain filled in the details, whispering to me that that made him safe. Except, of course, he was Adam's, which just made him impossible.  
  
Adam reached towards me, laying his hand on top of mine, and said, softly, "Sina."  
  
I pulled my hand away, growling softly under my breath. "Don't touch." I press harder into Jesse, who's standing there still and unmovable. His hands are still on my upper arms but now they're tracing soft circular motions with fingertips. Comfort.  
  
"We…" Adam tried to start again, but stopped softly.  
  
I continued, angry and undeterred. "We? We what? We need to work this out? We need to be a family again? You showed an utter disregard for family in what you did to me. In what you did despite my mother." I paused, collecting my thoughts, and pulled away from Jesse. If I'm going to do this, really explain, then there can't be comfort. Especially not from something of his. I started again. "She hated me, you know. She hated me until the day she died. Hated what I was. Some days, I could hear her thoughts, some days she almost left, those were the good days for her. Mornings I'd wake up, I'd be surprised she hadn't killed me in my sleep. I spent years terrified of her. Terrified of myself. Where were you then? Away. So far away. Being a scientist. Playing god. Not that I believe in god anymore then I believe in you."  
  
I started to turn, but Jesse was there, peering at me in concern. He was concerned. Well, isn't that cute. I turned back. "Really, what did you expect? That'd we'd be able to put the past behind us? That calling me Sina and patching me up would be a dent in…anything. That I could ever feel anything but hate, and rage, and disgust at you. One thing my mother taught me well, to hate the things you're suppose to love. Am I suppose to love you? Uncon-ditionally?" My voice broke then, tears spilling out of my eyes like tidal waves. "You don't want that. The last person I loved is in a coma because of me. He was human, like you, you're still human aren't you?, and his body, it just couldn't take the strain. They- they don't think he'll ever wake up, but still his parents, such better parents than you or Mom, they have hope. They think that this is a test of faith, that if they have faith he'll wake up and be their son again."  
  
I took a deep breath, straining for oxygen as the tears overtook me. I continued, my voice forced and breathy. "I couldn't bring myself to tell them that he wouldn't, that the only god in this is named Adam Zero, my dear, dear Father who isn't in Heaven, and that Chase would never ever wake up!" I was gasping for breath then, behind my tears, my stomach in cramps and my chest so constricted I felt it could implode on itself. My legs went out from underneath but I didn't hit the ground. Someone, I couldn't tell by any of my six senses who, pulled me to their chest as I sobbed, cradling me like a baby, rocking back and forth. I'd been carrying Chase's near demise around me my head for nearly three months, unable to cry or scream or break down about it. I'd been running from the GSA once again for over a month, Chase's sudden condition getting their attention. Now that I had broken, I wasn't sure I'd be able to put myself back together again. All I knew is it hurt. The darkness hurt, but maybe I didn't want to find the light. 


End file.
